Inside A Happy Nightmare

My side hurts.
I just ate four Oreo cookies with half a cup of whole milk. My throat is cold. So are my fingers.
My abdomen hurts a little.



This summer has been life changing. I learnt a lot of things for myself & did things I didn't think I would ever do, which are probably for the better. I met people, had two boyfriends, went on some dates, & normal teenage shit.

Now I met someone that could possibly alter the course of my life. Already I have decided to stall my plans on becoming a chef & become a Medical Assistant, thanks to his awesome inspiration.

It's not to say I won't become a chef - that's simply not the case. Perhaps after years of being a Medical Assistant, when I have children of my own, and then resign from being a M.A. I'll put myself through culinary school, somehow, so I can ensure my children have a better & slightly more sheltered childhood. Maybe later I could go back to being a M.A., but I also want to be a Cosmetologist or Esthetician.

For this school year, I am going to try my hardest ever. Not only for this certain person whom I hold a total platonic love for, but for everyone I ever wanted to prove wrong. I want to show my parents that the child they continuously try to baby, is not longer a little imbecile. I want to become twice or thrice as confident knowing I have something to keep me well fed & clothed.

I have written a list of items that I am looking forward to this year. They aren't really placed in an sort of arrangement, just written out as I typed:
• Grow out my hair
• Wear heels or fashionable shoes
• Wear fashionable clothing
• Wear make-up
• Work out routinely
• Take ROP for Culinary
• Take ROP for Health Science
• Take ROP for Cosmetology
• Get good awesome grades in all my classes
• Get a job
• Go to all my club's meetings
• Save up for a blue Prius
• Save up for The Nugget (Motorola Hint), [pictured up above]

Now, I don't expect myself to succeed in all of them, but I really would consider it an amazing feat if I do. I really want to see myself try as hard as I can. I just need that support, though. I think it's the one thing I'm really missing. I don't get it from my mother because she thinks anything unreligion-related is unfathomable. I don't get it from my dad because he thinks I'm too young for anything. I get it from my sister, but rarely. She has her own life to live too.

I feel slightly upset right now that I can't really get started on all of those things on the list right away. I know it's going to take time. It's going to take patience. Something I desperately need.

Something else I desperately need is a 24-hour companionship or Help-line for a person like me. But it's seriously way to much to ask for. What do I even ask help with? I think I just make things worse for myself.




I'm looking forward to this Friday. I really hope I get to go out on a date & watch Inglorious Bastards. If not, then I hope I just go out on a date, period!

This summer has been so eventful. It's not necessarily stressing, but it does leave me all sorts of "confused". Like me dropping my French for Korean. That's such a radical change, considering this far in my high school life.

But life is always about change, I suppose. Anyways, I'm leaving off with these highlights of my summer:
• Tampons! What (social) life savers!
• Learned the words 'contingency' & 'ostentatious'.
• 'I suppose' has become part of my often-said vocabulary.
• I'm excited for SCHOOL.